


Dark Side of Me

by Ladyoftime315



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Bloodline - Claudia Gray
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-03 06:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13335273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyoftime315/pseuds/Ladyoftime315
Summary: "Initially he tried to fill the void she left with rage. It was familiar. It was comfortable. Was. Whenhe let himself be driven by rage for his father and his precious Millennium Falcon he nearly shother out of the sky. When he let his rage for Luke Skywalker over take him, he let the Resistanceescape which marked his first battle as Supreme Leader a joke. When he tried to let his ragedrown out the regret of his failure, he found it wasn’t enough to overcome the tiny flame of reliefhe felt when he saw her still alive."Kylo Ren and Rey are still bonded. Despite being on opposite sides of not only a war but also the galaxy, the two learn more about each other and the paths that lead them here. Kylo struggles to maintain control, while Rey goes to places she never expected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first go at writing in the Star Wars universe. I pulled a lot of inspiration for this from the book Bloodline but this is hopefully understandable without it. But I'd recommend it anyway because its great.Don't own the galaxy, just borrowing it. Enjoy!

Kylo Ren sat at the head of an oblong table, General Hux to his right, surrounded by the various leaders in the First Order. He was more than surprised to see Captain Phasma already seated at the table, less than a month after the near destruction of _Supremacy_. She was seated to his left, but he wished she was a few chairs down. Her injuries were severe, even the best care of the First Order could not put Phasma back to her default state. It was hard to tell from her armour, but her left arm and right leg were no longer her own. Her breathing was loud, louder than normal through the seemingly restrictive helmets of the Stormtroopers.

“... at which time the Supreme Leader will give the order to continue our pursuit of the remaining Resistance.” Hux turned towards Kylo expectantly.

“Yes.” Kylo did not like to say more than he had to. Mostly because he got a small amount of amusement from the twitch Hux seemed to develop when Kylo did not lead the way that Hux so desperately wanted.

Hux cleared his throat, probably attempting to fill the silence Kylo had left him with, “Well, we have reason to believe that they are currently hopping from Outer Rim Planet to Outer Rim planet. They will quickly run out of friendly faces and we will have them cornered within the month.”

“Thank you, General Hux,” Kylo interrupted. He was even more amused by the sneer Hux made when he gave him patronizing praise. “Pleased to have you back with us, Phasma.”

“I am ready to serve, Supreme Leader.” Phasma responded in her now metalicy voice.

“Good. To your posts.” Kylo stood up and turned from the table before anyone could ask anymore questions or bother him with the details of war.

The halls of the ship were narrow and Kylo’s broad shoulders took up most of the space. His boots echoed in the empty hallways as he approached his quarters. Two armed Stormtroopers stood watch outside his door. Hux had insisted on guards for all of the Leaders, a request to which Kylo acquiesced despite being nearly certain they were not there for his protection, but rather as a means for Hux to keep tabs on him. He also knew that there was nothing that could be suspicious about his comings and goings. This just meant Hux would continue to have a false sense of superiority that Kylo could potentially use against him in the future.

Throwing the cape off his shoulders, he crossed the room to sit by the small window of his quarters. Not many rooms had windows to the outside, so he had sought this one out. The blue white haze of hyperspace had always been something he enjoyed. It was one of the few fond memories he had of his time spent with his father. After his father’s death, he found himself more drawn towards the feeling from his youth of staring out into depth of hyperspace.

Not just his father’s death, after his father’s murder. A crime he had committed. It felt like a lifetime ago that he pressed the button on his lightsaber. Snoke was not wrong. It had weighed on his soul. In the moment, he was so sure, so certain that he was doing the right thing. He was on a path, his only path. _I want to be free of this pain._ He took some strange solace in the fact that his last words to his father were not a lie.

He had barely heard them at the time, but his memory of the moment was now filled with her screams. _Rey._ Kylo had not felt her in his mind since Crait. He also had not tried to find her. There was no reason to. She made her choice. She left him. The look in her eyes as she closed the bond said everything he needed to know. Kylo Ren was still a monster.

Initially he tried to fill the void she left with rage. It was familiar. It was comfortable. Was. When he let himself be driven by rage for his father and his precious _Millennium Falcon_ he nearly shot her out of the sky. When he let his rage for Luke Skywalker over take him, he let the Resistance escape which marked his first battle as Supreme Leader a joke. When he tried to let his rage drown out the regret of his failure, he found it wasn’t enough to overcome the tiny flame of relief he felt when he saw her still alive.

* * *

Rey centered herself once more, placing one foot behind her and the other pointed towards her opponent. Sweat dripped from her forehead, making her eyes just the tiniest bit blurry. She was used to that sort of burn from her days on Jakku, but she hadn’t been there in what felt like years. She had already forgotten what the heat was like.

“Oh come on Poe, you can do better than that.” She taunted.

Poe responded rather raggedly, taking deep breaths between his words, “I…. thought I …. Said… don’t take it… easy… on… me.”

Rey responded by swinging the bottom of her staff towards Poe’s feet, but he managed to block the move with his own staff. He countered by trying to sweep her staff upwards but all he managed to do was give her the leverage to come down on his shoulder.

“Let’s call it a day,” Rey said, as she watched Poe cringe at her strike. Frankly, she was also about out of energy herself, but it was more fun to pretend she was taking pity on him.

“Yeah, Yeah. You win.” His voice was light, “Next time though…”

Rey let out a laugh, it wasn’t often that she did, but it was almost always at Poe when she did. The two had become fast friends. Competitive as all hell, but friends nonetheless. The pair headed back to the tent that was Home Base for the week. They were on Daxam IV, an outer rim planet that was mostly desert, but surprisingly cold with the exception of high noon.

The Resistance was small. Painfully small, so the remaining members had taken to trading skills with each other. It was actually something that Poe and Rey had started. Poe had requested a few lessons in hand to hand combat. He was a hell of pilot, but he knew that wasn’t enough. Rey quickly agreed, if he gave her some flying tips. Rey was already one of the best pilots left in the Resistance, but that unfortunately didn’t take much. So she knew she needed to learn more.

Since then, Finn had started teaching Medics how to repair blasters, Rose had started learning how to heal from the Medics, though that was mostly because she had spent so much time in whatever makeshift medic center they would setup since she herself had been badly injured. She now had a small limp, but it did not seem to slow her down. Especially not her voice.

Rey at first was somewhat overwhelmed by Rose’s pace, but it didn’t take long for her to appreciate her stories, especially ones of her sister Pearl.

“Hungry?” Poe gestured in the direction of the food storage.   
  
“Yeah, alright. I’ll meet you in just a sec,” She tugged on her drenched shirt, hoping he’d get the picture that she wanted to change first. He nodded so she figured he got it.   
  
The Resistance didn’t really get much space to themselves. Up until very recently, the _Falcon_ was the only ship in their fleet, which was to say the least, very crowded. They were lucky enough to find a seller on a remote planet that was willing to sell to them. Rey was becoming more and more involved in the recruitment and rebuilding of their resources. She did not feel qualified to be in any sort of important role, but Leia had insisted she join the meetings of the remaining leaders.

She got to the bay door on the _Falcon_ and climbed in. Chewbacca had his arms in a control panel and let out a short greeting to Rey.   
  
“Hi Chewie, I’ll come by and see if I can help after lunch, okay?” She enjoyed Chewie’s company more than most. She found his presence comforting. Rey knew he had been close to Han and there were some days she found him on the _Falcon_ simply sitting in the co-pilot seat staring. She would come and sit on the small space between the floor and the pilot seat and sit in silence with him. Once and only once he told her “I miss him.” That was all she needed to hear to know that he was genuinely thankful for her presence.

Rey had only known Han for a few days when she lost him, but the memory of his death was sharp. It was the first time she saw him. She had met Kylo Ren. But that was the first time she saw Ben. She didn’t know it then, but Ben was there too.  

She had not felt his presence in quite some time, which was somewhat of a shock to her. He had no reason to reach out for her, and yet she had expected it. She also hated herself just a little bit for feeling sad that he hadn’t. Even if he did, Rey had no idea what she would even say to him. He had hunted her down. Hunted his mother down, attacking them with such ferocity, there was no way she would ever feel sympathy for him again.

With a cleaner shirt on, she went back to join Poe for lunch. She pushed thoughts of Ben aside, determined to only think of him as Kylo Ren. She could fight Kylo Ren.

Before she reached Poe, General Organa, stopped Rey to talk.   
  
“Rey, how are you doing?” Leia asked, a knowing look in her eye. Rey had not told her about the bond with her son, and had no intention of doing so, but Leia was observant. Unsettlingly so. It’s probably why she was the great leader that she was.

“As good as I can be. I’ve been training with Poe for much of today. It feels good to train.” Rey said truthfully.

“Good, he needs knocked down a peg.” Leia said playfully. “I need your help tomorrow. There is a potential cache of resources here, but the chances are low, so I don’t want to get too many hopes up.”  
  
“Uh, sure,” Rey responded nervously. She would of course help, but the secrecy Leia sometimes employed to get things done always felt a bit wrong to her. “What sort of cache?”

“Well, interestingly enough, this used to be a base for a very early army of the First Order. It was, abandoned for some reasons I may, or may not have been involved in. I’m hoping they didn’t clear everything out, or leave too many traps.” Leia had a look on her face that made her look years younger, mischievous and amused.   
  
Rey would have to ask her about those reasons one day. “I’ll clear my schedule,” She smiled as she continued on her way. After a few more steps, she felt it. It wasn’t strong. It might not have even been real. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw a blue and white glow, much like the glow of hyperspace, but before her eyes could focus it was gone. The feeling she was left with was unmistakable. _Ben._

* * *

Kylo Ren sat up in his chair. Could it be? He reached out further, pushing on the bond, hoping he could reach her. He forgot what it felt like, to know she was there. His heartbeat quickened. Rising to his feet, he looked around his room desperate for a glimpse. But it was gone already. Now he knew for certain. The bond was still there and that was enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the galaxy, just borrowing it.

“Wow,” Rey’s eyes didn’t know what to focus on. She and Leia had found themselves in what was best described as an underground hanger. Most of it was cleared out, but the structure remained mostly intact. It clearly hadn’t been inhabited in quite a few years. “How did you know this was here?”

“A… friend of mine came here once before,” Leia responded, with just a hint of sadness to her voice.

“What used to be here?” Rey asked, noting Leia’s reluctance to call the mystery person a friend. 

“This was an Axamite training ground.” 

“Wait, really? I didn’t think they were real,” Rey said, with genuine surprise in her voice.

Leia chuckled, “Neither did I. But they were. At least until I took most of them out.”

“Hang on a minute…” Rey turned to face the General. “What do you mean ‘took them out’?”

Leia was all but grinning, “Back when I was still a Senator, I was doing a little research on a potential threat to the Republic. I might have gotten caught up in a bit of a skirmish. I had some help.”

“And was that typical in the life of a Senator?” Rey asked. She was almost certain it wasn’t. Rey had never learned much about Galactic Politics. Jakku wasn’t exactly important compared to many of the core planets and the “government” she was familiar with was not much more than the swift justice of those lucky or rich enough to have weapons. 

“No.” Leia’s response was clipped, but not unfriendly. It was however clear she would not be saying much more on the subject. “We need to contact Poe to have him bring a few to recover what we can now that we know it is still here.”

“It looks like there are a few land cruisers, and a decent amount of blasters. That’s definitely better than nothing.” Rey began to explore a little further into the hanger. Her adrenaline was already a bit high from the experience, she didn’t even notice the gentle tug of the bond. 

The tall dark figure in the corner made her audibly gasp, “Is everything alright?” Leia shouted from around the corner.    
  
Kylo Ren was staring her down, his gaze intense, but not threatening. “Uh yeah, just bumped into a box. I’m fine.” Rey shouted back. She said nothing else, just met his gaze with uncertainty. 

She took a step towards him, her head tilted to the side as she studied his face. The scar she gave him looked even more haunting in the low light. His expression was stoic, but the tightness in his jaw gave a hint to the pain he was feeling. She wouldn’t let herself feel for him. He was the one that caused it, for himself, and for so many others. Herself included. She felt the scowl forming on her face and watched as his softened in response. What was it? Pity? Remorse?

“Rey…” He said softly, almost in sync with Leia, “Rey…”   
  
She nearly missed the panicked look on his face when she turned around to respond to Leia, “Yeah I’m here.” When she turned back around to face Kylo once more, he was gone. 

Rey was trying desperately to remove any signs from her face or body language that she had just been through more than running into a box. 

“Poe is on his way with Finn and Joph to help us clean out what’s left.” If Leia noticed anything suspicious, she did not give any indication of it. “I also think it will be time to move on once we do.”    
  
Rey nodded, not trusting her voice to hold it together. 

* * *

 

Kylo did not miss his mask very often, but moments like that made him long for the safety of it. As much as he tried to remain expressionless, he knew by the reflection of the emotions she so willingly showed that his own face had betrayed him. He had intended to remain angry, to scare her, but it just wasn’t possible. Not anymore. Not since she had forced her way into his mind that first encounter. 

He had been observing training when he felt it. Without a word, he turned and left Hux and Phasma standing watch over the massive room where Stormtroopers were running drills. Kylo knew if he saw Rey, he would not be able to keep his composure, and to show anything other than emotionless authority would be detrimental. 

Kylo had spent the past month and a half trying to convince himself that the void he felt had nothing to do with her. That it was because he had turned on his master or hell, he even tried to convince himself it was because he had killed his father. The thought that she was the reason for this void was enough to drive him mad, but the confirmation that she was the thing left him struggling to breathe. 

Before he had recovered his wits, he heard the tell tale sounds of the hangar bay doors opening and TIE fighters taking off. Alarms were blaring as the canons began to prime. He did not authorize any sort of attack, and there was no way it was the Resistance attacking. Rey didn’t look like she was in the middle of prepping for war, and not to mention their fleet was essentially demolished. There wasn’t another force in the Galaxy stupid enough to take on a fleet of Super Star Destroyers. 

Rushing towards the bridge, he nearly ran into a marching platoon of Stormtroopers. Normally they would move around him, even if they were in formation, but it was almost as if they could see right through him. He reached the Bridge to find General Hux at the con with a sly grin on his face. 

“HUX.” Kylo barked. 

“Ah, glad to see you back from your sudden departure, Supreme Leader.” He didn’t budge from his spot. 

“What are you doing?” He put as much malice into his words as possible. 

Hux stared at him, almost as though he was daring him to do more than yell. Kylo happily obliged. With a flick of his wrist, Hux’s windpipe felt the unmistakable Force of being choked. 

“We are sending a message to the settlements of Naboo.” Hux managed to squeak out. Kylo lifted him just far enough off the ground that he would collapse rather than land on his feet. Hux, who was on all fours, coughing, continued, “You see, we suspected that they have provided aid to the Resistance, and we must make it clear to the Galaxy that that sort of behaviour is not to be tolerated.”    
  
“I did not authorise any such attack.” Kylo growled.  _ Especially on Naboo. _

“Oh did you not, sir? I assumed when you said ‘yes’ that meant yes we should attack when we believe there to be a Resistance base.” Hux had gotten to his feet, and held his head up high, stretching his neck in an almost unnatural fashion. 

Kylo wanted to fling the stupid ginger man across the room, but for some reason, many of the men on the bridge genuinely respected him. He knew that hurting Hux only got him so far. “And what led you to believe Naboo assisted the Resistance?” He settled for an inquisition. 

“Do we really need evidence, Supreme Leader? The People of Naboo were given ample time to give up information about the Resistance and they did not deliver.” Hux was back to his sly smile. Kylo wasn’t sure if the man was brave or stupid. Probably both. “The First Order must rule supreme. And we will ensure the obedience of the galaxy with friendly reminders of our power.” 

Kylo contemplated his options. He could demand to call off the attack, but this would displease the leaders who wanted to rule with power the way the Hux did. He could also continue to berate and beat Hux, but that would only temporarily make him feel better and would create a bigger headache when he has to explain why Hux is in a bacta tank for weeks. A moment of complacency was all he had. “Very well. See to it that message is sent to the Galaxy so that this display of power is not wasted.”    
  
“Very well.” Hux responded.    
  
It took everything Kylo had not to slam him to the ground before he left, just for good measure. 

* * *

The Resistance had packed up what they could from the abandon Axamite base. They had even managed to find an abandon transport ship that they can add to their fleet. In less than  month, they had acquired four light fighters and two bombers. With the addition of the transport, they could now more easily get the fighters and the bombers where they were needed. The extra ships also meant not everyone had to stay on the  _ Falcon _ . Rey was very thankful for the breathing room.    
  
Rey was sitting at the small table, fiddling with the game that it supposedly contained. Leia told her the other day that she hadn’t seen in work in several years. She had been focused on the knobs just underneath the table, she didn’t even notice Leia slide into the seats beside her. 

“If you ever get that working again, never play Chewie. He’s a sore loser.”    
  
Rey laughed, “Why am I not surprised by that.”

“Trouble sleeping?”

“Pretty much always. I was hoping it would be easier now that there are less of us on here, but if anything the silence is getting too me.” Rey confessed. 

“Being alone with your thoughts is a challenge.” Leia agreed. 

Rey turned towards the General, “I was wondering if I could ask you a couple questions. Don’t feel obligated to answer, I guess I’m just curious.”   
  
“About Ben?” Leia offered.    
  
“I.. uhh… no,” Rey was almost stunned to silence. Why would Leia assume Rey wanted to ask about Ben? She didn’t know of the bond….”I, uh, was curious about the First Order. So I guess it might be about B...Kylo Ren.” It didn’t feel right calling him Ben in front of Leia.

Leia nodded, “Sure. I’ll see what I can answer.”   
  
“So… Sorry, I only sort of know the history. It’s all stories and lore on Jakku.  the Empire fell after Luke defeated Darth Vader and the Chancellor. Right?”   
  
“Depends on how you define defeat, but yes.” her tone suggested that she wouldn’t expand her meaning.” 

“And then we had the New Republic, and you were a Senator.” She asked somewhat cautiously, as she wasn’t sure how much Leia wanted to talk about her own part in all of this. But Rey really wanted to understand. She had joined the Resistance without a second thought because she was the downtrodden, and that’s what the downtrodden do. Resist. At least, that’s what she thought. 

“Yes, I was a Senator for many years, following in the footsteps of my father.”    
  
"Vader was a senator?” Rey asked perhaps too quickly, as Leia winced ever so slightly at the question. Rey wouldn’t have noticed it if she hadn’t already been trying to read as much as she could from the woman. 

“No, my  _ father _ Bail Organa.” Leia stressed the word father, a detail Rey did not miss. “I spent my tenure trying to do right by him, my party, and the galaxy.”

“What went wrong?”

Leia laughed harder than she had in a long time, “What didn’t? How long do you have?” Rey raised an eyebrow. Leia continued, “In short, the Senate frequently found itself divided, stuck debating the minutia. At first, so many were happy to be free from the terror that was the Chancellor, but as time went on, as we tried to restore power to the planets, it wasn’t always the most favourable of characters that ended up leading.” 

“I don’t think Jakku had a government. It was just run by who ever had the most weapons and desire to use them.” Rey thought back to her time on the desert planet. 

“This was a flaw many of my fellow Populists tried to turn a blind eye to. Which is how Ransolm and I began investigating Daxam IV. And how we discovered evidence of an army being raised.”   
  
Rey risked the question, “Was he your… friend?” She tried to put the same pause that Leia had earlier.    
  
Leia sighed heavily, “I hope that we parted as friends.” 

Rey could tell that she was reliving memories, so she let the silence between them grow long. After some time, she had one more question. “Why did you stop being a Senator?”

“I wasn’t left with much of a choice.” Leia continued, her voice heavy and sad, “I believe it was already too late to help from within the Senate anyway.”

The pair sat in silence for a few minutes longer when a message came over the comms. “General Organa, do you copy?” The disembodied voice spoke. 

“Yes, Organa here. What do you have?”

“We’ve just got word that the First Order has fired on a settled area in Naboo. Reports are suggesting that the Order thought they were hiding us.”

“Thank you Joph. Keep course towards Pamarthe.” Leia sighed as she got up and left Rey alone once more. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the galaxy, just borrowing it.

Kylo paced his quarters, furious. He had always known that Hux was after his “job,” but he had never expected he would move so quickly to try to undermine him. Kylo was Supreme Leader of the First Order. He would not be taken lightly. 

“Ben…” Rey called to him. He stopped in his tracks, afraid to turn around. He didn’t know what would be worse, seeing her there or not seeing her. 

“What are you doing here?” he managed to keep his voice neutral. 

“Why?” Rey pleaded. 

“Why what?” He snarled as he turned around. Not seeing her would have been worse. 

“The attack on Naboo.” 

Kylo straightened his back, attempting to regain the authority he felt he’d lost from Hux. “They would not give us information on your whereabouts.”

“My whereabouts?” She demanded. 

Kylo paused for the tiniest fraction of a second. Rey thought he meant her specifically. “The Resistance.” Kylo responded.

“You’ve just killed thousands. And for what? Nothing. You’ll never find me.” 

The rage in her eyes matched his own. The longer he stared, the less of that rage he felt. “You’re right here,” he said as he took a cautious step towards her. “And I’m glad you are.” the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, but they were genuine. 

Rey stood her ground, “Don’t you dare.” Kylo took another step towards her, reaching out ever so slightly. “Don’t... “ she put up a hand to stop his advances. “You do not get to look at me like a poor wounded porg after you’ve just commited mass murder! You are still the monster I first met.”   
  
“You don’t know what you are talking about.” He growled. He should just tell her he didn’t call the attack, but that would mean admitting out loud that he was losing control. Having control made him feel better. So much of his life had been out of his, he needed to have it now. 

“I know that you sent TIE Fighters after me in the  _ Falcon. _ I know that you tried to kill your mother on the  _ Raddus _ , and when she survived you chased her down to Crait. I know that you just bombed an innocent civilization for no reason other than you could.” Anger and pain was coming off her in waves. 

“I didn’t press the trigger.” He said quietly. 

“What?” 

“I didn’t press the trigger.” He said louder, “I didn’t shoot my… I” He closed his eyes, trying to keep his emotions in check. 

"You might as well have. It was your men, on your command.” It was obvious that Rey had come to care for Leia. 

“I know.” Kylo confessed. The regret he felt for nearly killing his mother was far heavier than the regret he felt for actually killing Han. At the time, he thought he was mad at himself for not having the strength. Leia never trained with Luke, but Kylo always knew his mother had more power than she let on. He could feel it, even from a young age. So when he felt her presence on that ship, he couldn’t do it. It had been years since he had been that close to her and had forgotten what it felt like. If he didn’t know any better, he thought he had felt acceptance from her a moment before he moved his finger from the trigger. Before he could process his choice, the bridge of the ship exploded as the TIE fighters behind him did what he couldn’t. 

Rey seemed to be processing his response. Kylo didn’t dare say anything else. His eyes darted back and forth, trying to read her changing face. Her brows were still angled sharply, but her lips had softened. “Why are you doing this?” 

Kylo had no answer for her. He had ended up on this path after many smaller choices, many of which were not his own. He closed the already small gap between them. His gloved hand found her cheek, but this time she did not move. Her jaw went stiff in his hand. Why couldn’t she have joined him. This would have been so much easier if she had just said yes. Kylo was always destined to end up in a place like this, a place of leadership. His bloodline demanded it. A girl like her had no place here, but he wanted to share it with her. 

“Please Ben, you don’t have to do this.” she pleaded. 

“I didn’t.” He said as the bond snapped apart. 

Rey’s hand flew to her cheek where his hand had been only a moment before, his last words hanging in her ears.  _ I didn’t. _ What on Jakku could he have meant. She knew the next time they connected, she wanted to yell and scream and be so mad at him for what he had done. Not just the attack on Naboo, but for everything. Except when she found herself staring at his back, she just desperately wanted Ben to be the one that turned around.    
  
There was something about him that made it painfully impossible to let go of hope. She chuckled to herself at the thought.  _ Rebellions are built on hope _ . This wasn’t the sort of hope that the phrase was referring too. 

She felt the small shudder of the  _ Falcon _ coming out of hyperdrive. They must have reached Parmarthe. The Resistance ships descended on the planet’s surface. It immediately reminded Rey of Acht-To, mostly water, but she could already see more islands than there were on Acht-To. 

“Hope you’re not afraid of heights.” Joph came up behind Rey, slightly startling her. 

“Not really, why?”

“You’ll see.” he responded with a sad smile. 

“Have you been here before?” she questioned. 

He nodded, “It’s been a while, but yes. Avoid drinking Port in a Storm if you can.” His eyes widened  and he shivered as if recalling a terrible memory.    
  
She chuckled, “I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” 

Stepping off the ship, Rey took a deep breath. She had come to love the salty scent of the sea. There was a warm breeze, and ahead of her was a perilous rope bridge leading towards a small village on the nearby cliff peak. This must be what Joph meant when he asked if she was afraid of heights. As she looked towards the horizon, she saw that there was a series of rope bridges connecting peaks and small islands.

Leia came up beside Rey to share the view, “I’m getting too old for this.” 

“It is beautiful though.” Rey offered. 

“The Parmarthians have agreed to allow us to stay here and to call this home.” Leia explained, “I am very thankful we can have this chance, but Parmarthians really take their infamous bravery to an absurd level.” 

Rey was relieved. She didn’t know that they would be staying here. She had figured it would be just another short stop and on to the next refuge. Over the next several hours, the remaining Resistance members unpacked what little resources they had and began to move into a series of buildings and bunkers built into the cliffs. The space was precarious, but well hidden. 

After the sun had set and everyone had eaten their first real cooked meal in ages, Rey retired to her room. It wasn’t much as space was still limited, but she finally had one of her own. She shrugged off her over shirt and sat down on the edge of the bed. The day had taken its toll and she was physically tired, but her mind had not slowed down yet. Though truthfully, it almost never did. 

Brushing her cheek, she thought back to Ben and their encounter this morning. What did he mean,  _ I didn’t. _ She had wondered if she would get the chance to ask him. The Force bond they shared didn’t seem to make sense anymore. If Snoke was telling the truth about being the one to connect it, they shouldn’t be able to see each other anymore. Perhaps he was lying, or maybe there was more to it. 

Apparently thinking about it, however, made it stronger, because Ben was back, this time sitting beside her. She didn’t need to turn her head to know he was there, he was sitting close enough she could physically feel him, not quite shoulder to shoulder, but nearly. They sat still in silence for several minutes. 

Kylo broke the silence, “I wouldn’t have attacked Naboo.”

“But you did.” Rey’s response was short and sharp. There was no way that he could try denying it, she had seen the images sent across communications. 

“General Hux did.” 

“I don’t understand. He is in your command.”

“Hux… made some assumptions about my orders.” Kylo seemed unsure of his answer. It made Rey doubt his honesty. 

“And why not Naboo?”

“My grandmother was from Naboo.” Kylo said as he looked down, his shoulders sinking.

Rey turned to face him, her knee now up against his leg. She tried not to think about it, but was acutely aware of the contact they were now making. “Your grandmother? Han Solo’s mother?”

“No. My mother’s,” He lifted his eyes to meet hers. “Her name was Padme. She was queen of Naboo.”

“I…” Rey started. She didn’t know where to go with her thought. “But Lord Vader was her father.”    
  
“And Padme was her mother. You do know where children come from?” He almost cracked a smile, but even without it she knew he was teasing her. 

“Yes.. I just.” Rey was flustered. To hear him make a joke, especially one of that nature, she no longer knew what to do with her hands. “It just never occurred to me that someone would…”   


“Love a monster?” He cut her off, turning his body in towards hers, increasing the contact between them. 

“I never said that.” Rey held his gaze, her heart raced. She could have sworn he was leaning towards her. Her eyes flicked down to his lips which were slightly parted. “Tell me about her.” she said quickly before he got any closer. 

Kylo sat up straighter and faced forward again, “I don’t know much about her. I knew she was a Senator my mother looked up to, but I did not know she was family until… later.” 

“Did Leia know who she was?” Rey inquired. She didn’t think that was the kind of information parents kept from their children, not that she would know. 

“Yes. There was a lot she kept from me.” Ben’s signature pained scowl was returning to his face. “She wasn’t the one to tell me that Vader was my grandfather.”

“How did you find out?”

“From the slander campaigns against her.” He was sounding even angrier. 

Rey was beginning to put it together. Leia had told her that she had no choice to leave the Senate. Perhaps this is what she was talking about. “What happened?”

Kylo didn’t answer right away, his fist clenched as he began to talk. “My mother had been nominated to be a leader in the Senate for her party when someone shared the information that she was Lord Vader’s daughter. The supposedly rational and impartial Senate turned on her. There were attempts on her life and she was forced out of a world she had been devoted to her entire life by people she trusted.” 

“How do you know all this?” Rey asked. 

“Because I’m not stupid.” Kylo shouted. He quickly calmed down when he saw Rey flinch from his outburst. “I spent enough time with her on Hosnian Prime to learn what the Senators were really like. They didn’t pay attention to the child in the corner, not even her.” 

“Oh.” Rey didn’t have much else to add, this was a lot of information, and not just in what he was saying, but the how.

Kylo stood up rather quickly and began to pace in a small path back and forth. “They all hid it from me. They kept from me my history. They all knew, knew that there was something in me, something none of us wanted. And instead of giving me a reason, giving me an explanation, they hid it from me as though not knowing would keep me from giving in.” 

Rey watched him as he paced. She didn’t need the bond to know how much he hurt, but through the bond she could actually feel it. 

He continued, “She sent me a message. She told me that she was sorry that I had found out, that the only reason anyone knew was because someone she thought she trusted broke that trust. She tried to tell me that the knowledge itself was powerful and dangerous.”

Rey rose from her seated spot and put herself in from of the pacing Kylo. He did not notice that she had interrupted his path, which resulted in her putting up her hands to keep him from crashing into her. Her palms now on his chest, his own hands raised to hold her arms just above her elbows. “She was trying to protect you.”    
  
“I didn’t need it.” He wanted to sound angry, but it didn’t come out that way. 

Ben towered over her. She expected to feel scared, but she didn’t. Instead she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest.  _ This wasn’t sympathy _ she told herself as she held him. 

Eventually he tightened his own grip around her and leaned his face against the top of her head, but not long after that, the bond closed leaving them both clinging to the air in front of them. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the galaxy, just borrowing it.

“This one looks like it’s busted.” Rey held out a blaster, showing it to Finn. “Do you think it can be fixed?”

Finn scrunched up his face, “No, that looks pretty broke. Stick it in the pile with the rest.”

“I was hoping more of these supplies from Daxam would have been useful.” They had been going through the crates and boxes they somewhat hastily took with them from Daxam. There wasn’t time to do so on world, so they just took it all, and had spent the last two days sorting through it all. 

“Sure, sure, but hey, it’s more than we had before.” Replied Finn.

Ever since the battle at Crait, Finn had seemed to be even more committed to the cause of taking out the First Order than Leia herself. Between taking care of Rose, maintaining the limited weapons cache, and following around the General asking what else he can do, he hardly had time for anything else so Rey hadn’t gotten to spend much time with her friend. There was a quiet voice in the back of her mind that was envious that he had found a place to belong here, and seemed to thrive. She had also recently  found herself wondering what life was like for him before they found each other. Not that she knew much about the First Order or the Empire, Rey was pretty sure there has never been a Stormtrooper to defect before. Her friendship with Finn was built on the present so she struggled to ask him about his past. They had a silent understanding that it didn’t matter where they came from and what they were doing right now is what was important.   

After her conversation with Ben, she could not stop thinking about how they all had ended up where they are. Not in the physical sense, here on Parmathe, but on a larger scale. The Resistance, the First Order… all of it. The Empire and the Rebels were once just stories to her, legends and now she walked among them. When she was young, she would climb in and around the wreckage of the Battle of Jakku; the crashed Star Destroyer and the Rebel pilot whose helmet she claimed as her own. She always felt this swell of hope when she considered the size of the crashed x-wings in comparison to the Destroyer. The sense of impossible odds in the face of something so much larger, but bringing it down anyway. As she got older, she of course realised that while the Destroyer went down, so did the x-wing and the Rebel pilot. It made her wonder if the cost of freedom was worth it in the end. 

Rey’s understanding of it all was also from that of war, duty, honour, and excitement. Only recently had she thought about the politics of it all. Leia had an entirely different perspective on it all, having participated in both the adventure and the apparently stagnant Senate. It was obvious that the First Order was bad. They had killed billions of people on the attack on Hosnian Prime. There was not a doubt in her mind that she was doing the right thing by fighting them. 

In addition to all of this, she barely had time to think about her place in the Jedi Order. With Luke gone, she was truely left alone with her understanding of the Force. Except she knew she wasn’t, even if that was hard for her to admit. Kylo Ren wasn’t a Jedi, but he had more Jedi training than even she had. Did she dare ask him for guidance? It had been several days since they last shared the bond. It frustrated her that she longed for it. There was no explanation for it. She had spent so much of her life alone, and she was no longer left wanting for company. She had the Resistance. But the bond they share made her feel connected in a way she never imagined. 

"...Rey?” Finn jabbed her on the shoulder.

Rey’s shoulder flinched under his pointer finger. “What?”

“I’ve been asking you if you want to go to dinner but you were in another world.” 

“Sorry, just a lot on  my mind.” Her smile is small. 

“Don’t you Jedi meditate or something?” he offered, trying to be helpful. 

Rey let out a small laugh, “Yeah, I suppose they do.”

They pair headed to the mess hall for lunch and they met with Poe, Rose, and Joph. Joph was older than the rest, but only by a few years. He and Poe had been friends for a few years as fellow pilots in the Resistance, but he would frequently join the group for meals and work duties. Joph had apparently been the one to bring Poe in to the Resistance. Rey knew that Joph had been here since the earliest days, mostly because he was one of the very few originals left with them. 

“Bout damn time.” Poe feigned exasperation. 

“You didn’t have to wait for us.” Finn answered, with what seemed like genuine guilt. 

“He’s giving you a hard time, Finn” Rose patted the seat beside her. Finn sat down beside her, glaring at Poe with a smirk.    


“Right I knew that.”

“Sure ya did, kid.” Joph laughed as Rey sat down between he and Poe.

As the group ate, they shared stories and jokes. Rose told a story about her and her sister as kids. They had been playing Rebels and Empire. Apparently Rose was always relegated to Stormtrooper Number 153. At which point Finn so elegantly pointed out that Stormtrooper designations were much more robust. This comment awarded him a playful punch from Rose. 

Poe and Joph reminisced about a firefight they were in a few years prior. The First Order had just barely gotten a grasp on some outer rim planets, and the Resistance was trying to track down a base near Ryloth. With animated hands, they recounted the battle, which Rey was unfortunately caught in the crossfire of as she was seated between the pair. An overzealous explosion from Poe’s hands resulted in a solid bop in the face. After several many apologies, and a very tight hug from Poe, they all began to disperse for the evening. 

“Hey, Joph. Do you have a minute?” Rey stopped the pilot with a quick and quiet hand on his arm, hopping not to attract the attention of the others. 

“For you, of course” He said with a playful wink. 

Rey rolled her eyes. Joph flirted with everyone, but she knew it was never more than that. “Yeah yeah. I just wanted to ask you. You said you’ve been here before. Parmanth I mean.”

Joph’s expression quickly changed. His brows came together in the middle and the smile left his lips. “Yeah. Quite a few years ago. Why?” 

Rey saw defenses go up that she was not used to with him. She had to be careful of what she asked. “Did you come here with Leia?”

“No, but it was for Leia, sort of. With a friend of mine. She was, uh from here.” His eyes were sad. 

The defensiveness was what she thought it was. It wasn’t over his involvement with Leia, but for his friend. Rey wasn’t entirely sure what sort of answers she was searching for in talking with Joph, but Ben had opened up so many questions about Leia she wasn’t prepared for. Leia was just your run of the mill Princess turned war hero turned politician turned war hero. Okay, so maybe that wasn’t run of the mill, but Rey honestly thought that Leia had been one of the easiest to understand. She was straightforward and almost always open to questions. But if she had kept something so important from her son, Rey was now painfully aware of how secretive the General could be. Probably with good reason more often than not. And while Rey was positive she was fighting on the right side of this war, she still had to know why. In this moment though, it seemed Joph needed a friend more than she needed answers. “Do you want to tell me about her?”

The corner of Joph’s mouth turned up ever so slightly, “Here name was Greer. And she was a better pilot than me and Poe put together….” 

* * *

  
Kylo Ren sat on the center of his bed, eyes closed, with his long legs somehow folded up under him. He let out a small frustrated sigh. Ever since he could remember, he had always felt this connected presence in his life. He could never explain it, and the one time he tried to tell his mother about it, she had gotten angry  with him and told him to ignore it and never speak of it again. So he didn’t, well, at least speak of it. Ignoring it wasn’t an option. Even if he tried. But now, he was struggling to feel it. At first he thought it was because he had not seen or heard from Rey, but now that he knew the bond was still there, he didn’t know what it was. 

The thing that bothered him the most was that while it felt like he was missing something, he wasn’t entirely sure he  _ missed _ it. And yet, here he was, sitting cross legged on his bed like some child trying to find it. Trying to clear his mind, feel the Force. He was almost disgusted with himself for it. 

Kylo’s only reprieve from his own misery was that General Hux had left him alone for three full days. After the attack on Naboo, Hux’s desire for carnage seemed to be placated for now. As Supreme Leader of the First Order, Kylo had been a fairly hands off so far. But this was where he was meant to be. His Grandfather failed to rule the Galaxy, but had come so close. His mother had nearly ruled the Senate, and while the Senate had its flaws, she too would have been the leader of the Galaxy. He was the first one to actually achieve what his family had failed to do. The ultimate goal had been achieved, so what sort of leader would he be? 

With a small rather undignified wiggle, Kylo Ren tried to clear his mind once more but was interrupted by a guffaw. His eyes snapped open and were met with Rey’s dark golden ones. He wasn’t sure he had ever seen her laugh before. 

“How long have you been there?” He tried to sound angry, but it was hard in this position. 

“A while,” she answered, still sparkling from her laughter. 

He had no reasonable response so he just stared. Rey sat cross legged in front of him. Hey couldn’t help but to think the position suited her much better. The silence that was building between them was charged, but comfortable. He did not know how long they sat there, together. The laughter was disappearing from her face and was being replaced the usual look of disgusted curiosity she normally had when looking at him. He wanted the look of laughter back, but he didn’t know how. 

“Ben, you can still….”   
  
“Don’t.” Kylo cut her off. He knew she was asking him to come back. He couldn’t hear the rest of it because he didn’t trust himself not to say yes. He wouldn’t throw it all away, not even for her.

“Your mother would…” she started again.

“Do not talk to me about her.” Kylo could feel the heat rising in his core. After everything he shared with her about his mother, how could she still see her as some benevolent figure? She was a liar and a fraud. He was certain of it. She had robbed him of his childhood by parading him through the Senate, pawning him off on Han Solo, and sending him off with Luke. Leia abandoned him.  

“She hasn’t given…”   
  
“I said stop talking.” Kylo lunged forward, his hand reaching for her face. Now kneeling in front of her still sitting frame, his thumb and fingers were wrapped around her jaw. He locked eyes with hers, expecting to see fear but instead he was met with defiance. Her own hands had reflexively wrapped around his wrist. He knew he didn’t have a tight grip on her face, but her fingers dug into his arm. He very quickly let her go, knowing he hadn’t hurt her physically. An inkling of regret began to creep in. There was more than one way to hurt someone. 

“At least you have a mother whose face you can remember,” She spat at him as she swung her feet off the bed to stand. She was now eye to eye with the still kneeling Kylo Ren. “Do you understand what I would give to have that?” Her defiance was turning into rage. 

“No,” he answered somewhat weakly. His timid answer gave her a moments pause. Kylo had been looking down, but he could feel the blip in her emotions through the bond. They were stronger than normal. 

“I was ten years old. A child, starving in the deserts of Jakku. Do you know how I survived?” Kylo remained silent, unsure if she actually wanted him to respond. “Do you?” she repeated as she glared.

Rey began to pace the room as Kylo moved to sit on the edge of the bed, his feet now on the floor in front of him. “Rey…” He looked up at her, his eyes burning. Her rage hurt him more than he was prepared for. 

“A scavenger on Jakku took pity on me. I didn’t know it was pity at first. He didn’t speak to me, he just grabbed my arm and dragged me away. I thought for sure that I was dead. Instead he took me to a fallen walker.” Her pacing slowed as she spoke. Kylo’s eyes followed her as she moved. “He started pulling off parts, tossing them to me. And then we’d drag the parts back to the outpost. I was lucky if I got a few bites of his portions, but he gave me enough to keep me alive.” Rey had stopped pacing, and was now standing in front of him, though not facing him directly. “This went on for a few months. Maybe three. He would grab my arm, we’d go to some wreckage somewhere and collect parts. And then one day, the only person to show me even remotely resembling kindness was gone. I can hardly be thankful for him, but I can say without a doubt I survived because of him.” Tears were running down her cheeks, silent tears. They were the sort of tears that had no hope of being controlled. “I was alone again.”   
  
Kylo reached out and placed his palm on her forearm, his fingers gently following suit. “I meant what I said.” Rey huffed as she tried to pull her arm away. She didn’t try very hard though, because Kylo grabbed her other arm and turned him to face him. She looked down on him ever so slightly as he remained seated on the edge of the bed.

“What do you mean?” Rey was tense in his arms and probably expected the worst, but the tears in her eyes suggested she hoped for better.  

“When I told you you weren’t alone.” 

Kylo had released his grip on her forearms so she moved her hands down to meet his palms. She stood with her feet in between his, palm to palm as she laced her bare fingers with his. “I know. And so did I.” She pulled on him gently, coaxing him to stand, their hands still intertwined. She was leaning towards him as he studied her face. He watched as she took a nervous gulp and began to rise to her toes. His eyelids closed when her face was close enough to feel her warm breath on his lips. Expecting to feel her lips on his own, he was instead met with the cold air she left behind. 

“Fuck” He growled. Left alone again, he felt something he hadn’t in a long time. Guilt. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Rey laid on her back, staring at the ceiling above her. She could see the hazy glow of dawn through the small window in her room. Sleeping never came easy but it had been a while since she went totally sleepless through the night. She just kept replaying the last few moments she shared with Ben in her head over and over. 

She broke her promise to herself.  _ I won’t feel sympathy for Ben Solo _ . Every time she bonded with Kylo, he was always been composed and aware that she was there. She had never seen him alone like that, sitting on his bed with his eyes closed. Rey had taken the unique opportunity to observe him in that moment, and found herself somewhat drawn to the sharp features in his face that were softened by his relaxed state. 

The sympathy didn’t come until he grabbed her face. It was just the tiniest flicker of sympathy. He could not accept that his mother could still forgive him, and that made her unreasonably mad. And she had been so mad at him in that moment, for not even giving her a chance to talk. When her fury turned on him, he seemed to show something she’d never seen in him before: Regret. She had seen desperation and sorrow and pain, but never regret. 

Sitting up in bed, Rey rubbed her hands on her face. Just that one fleeting moment of regret she saw in him was enough to make her feel sympathy again, and the sympathy brought with is a barrage of emotions she was in no way prepared for. Hearing him say those words again… Rey grumbled, frustrated with herself for getting carried away. She couldn’t think anymore on it. She had to go and do something instead of dwell. 

“Meeting again so soon?” 

Rey quickly rose at the sound of his voice, “Ben…” 

Kylo stood on the other side of the room, which only amounted to no more than a few feet away on account of the space being so small. Usually more time passed between them meeting. There would be things to talk about; something would have happened for her to be mad about, or there would be a story for him to extract from her. Instead, merely hours had passed, leaving nothing but a near kiss between them. 

Normally the silence that started every encounter was charged with the feeling of a challenge, but this was something different. He always regarded her with a look of yearning curiosity, but there more to it now. His head tilted down and to the side, but his eyes were angled up. 

Rey couldn’t hold his gaze any longer. She glanced down at her feet hoping that some of the tension would dissipate with the lack of eye contact. Kylo closed the gap between them in two and half strides and grabbed her face with both hands. 

His lips crashed into hers, his fingers tangled in her frazzled morning hair. Her entire body tensed at the contact, but as he deepened the kiss, parting his lips slightly, she leaned into him. 

This was not her first kiss. Her first was a chaste kiss of youth between two friends who didn’t quite know what kissing was, only that it was something that people with feelings did. This was so much better. 

She pulled her lips away from his, which were now redder and fuller from the kiss. Her cheeks flushed, the colour now matching his lips. He did not let her move away much more by resting his forehead on hers. 

“Why…” Rey whispered. Their faces were so close that the nearly voiceless word was still loud enough for him to hear.    
  
“I was just finishing what you started.” He kissed her again, this time softer and slower as if he was savouring it. 

Rey wrapped her arms around his waist, her forearms pointed up and her palms flat on his back, just below his shoulder blades. She too was savouring the moment. She didn’t expect that she would ever let her guard down enough to let this happen again. This man was her enemy, her opposite… 

“Stop,” she managed to get out in between kisses. He immediately released her. His hands let go of her face, but her own arms clung to him just a little longer. It wasn’t until he took a step back that her arms dropped to her side. 

“Come with me.” Despite the actual words being a command, the tone he took was not. 

“I can’t.” 

“We both saw our future. It was together. You know I'm right," He was getting more aggressive as he spoke. 

"I know that I saw you turn.Turn to the side of The light." Rey focused on his eyes. She knew they would betray his attempts to cover up emotions. 

"And I saw you by my side," Kylo’s expression was stiff, but she was right. His eyes were glistening.

Rey made a move bolder than she was expecting from herself. She grabbed his hands that were idle at his side. "Then give me a reason to stand by it." 

Kylo didn't answer her. He didn't move or pull away his hands. The first time they saw each others futures was from this simple act. Barely the graze of fingertips, and they were both so sure of what the other’s would be. 

"Ben..." Desperation had found its way into her voice now.

"The night I found out about Darth Vader, I went to Luke . If my mother had known, than Luke had to as well." Kylo began to speak. "I had to know why my mother kept this from me. Why he kept it from me." He still held on to her hands. His fingers began to tighten around hers as he talked. 

Rey remand silent, afraid that talking would remind him that she is there and that he is in fact sharing something with another human. 

"I was so angry. Something inside me told me to be mad, to be furious that those closest to me were liars. All my life, Luke Skywalker was the hero that defeated the Dark Lord Vader and all of a sudden he was now the man that killed my Grandfather. That killed his father.” Kylo paused.

The incongruity of his anger was not lost on Rey. If she didn’t know any better, she might have thought that he was coming to realise the contradiction in his life for the first time. Still, she remained silent, but squeezed his hand with a gentle pressure. 

“Luke kept trying to tell me that it wasn’t what I thought, that there was more to the story.”

Rey reflexively let out a small snort of a laugh. Kylo’s eyes snapped to hers and she mentally kicked herself for the inability to stop the noise. He stared at her expectantly. “That just sounds like something he’d say.” He remained silent, still observing her rather intently. “Sorry.” She looked down again, hoping that her interruption wouldn’t stop him from opening up to her. 

“He tried to kill me.” His voice was flat, matter of fact. 

“Yes,” Rey didn’t disagree. She would always hold some amount of contempt with Luke for his split second choice. A look of genuine surprise swept across Kylo’s face at her confirmation. “I fought with him that night. After we, and he…” She trailed off. 

“Then you understand,” There was a new sense of ardor in his response. “You understand why I left.”

“No, Ben I don’t. Luke, he made a… ” She struggled to find the right word, but she couldn’t find it so she just borrowed his. “It was a fleeting moment of pure instinct. And he regretted it the second he turned on that saber.” 

Kylo threw down her hands, releasing their contact and let out a small growl in frustration. He began to turn away from her, but she grabbed his arm keeping him from spinning totally around. 

“Don’t think I’m defending him, because I’m not. He was wrong, and he knew it. But it doesn’t excuse running off with the First Order to take over the galaxy!” 

“It was more than that. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“And now you sound like him.” Rey dared. She meant it to be joke, but she also knew it ran the risk of infuriating him. 

“Don’t…don’t you dare.” If he meant to sound intimidating, he failed. 

“I am on your… I am on Ben’s side.” She chose her words carefully. “I will stand by him.” This time she put her hands on his cheeks and got her fingers tangled in his hair. Rey hoped that he understood what she meant. Standing on her toes, she gave him a small, gentle kiss again. 

It was becoming harder and harder to deny what she felt for him. There was still a strong sense of hesitation to her growing feelings; Kylo Ren had committed atrocities. She refused to let this burgeoning passion between them cloud that fact. Through all of it, there was a Light side of him and she would not let it die. 

When she pulled back from the kiss, Ben wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in the crook of her neck. He all but collapsed against her, his much larger frame completely enveloping her. 

* * *

 

Kylo loosened his grip on the hilt, letting it roll down his hand before securing it in his palm with a flick of his fingers. The training droid flitted back and forth a few feet from him, attempting to throw him off. It let off a series of blaster bolts, all of which Kylo deflected with ease. 

It had been two full days since he had last seen Rey. He had opened up to her in a way he had not done in many many years. It left him raw and angry. As much as he wanted to see her again, a part of him was glad because he he needed time to process his own realizations after their conversation. 

Crossing he left foot over his right, he circled the droid. Several more deflected blaster shots, and Kylo reached out with his left hand. He curled his fingers and felt the Force. The droid crunched and collapsed like a deflated balloon. It fell to the ground with a clank. He swung his foot kicking the mess of metal and wires across the room. 

This of course hurt, but that was perhaps why he did it. His foot ached as he stormed out of the training area. Before he could retreat to the relative safety of his quarters, he was stopped by General Hux.    
  
“Ah, Supreme Leader. It seems you have been most unavailable as of late.” Hux was incapable of saying anything without an air of arrogance. 

“I’ve been busy.”

“We are currently seeking to begin production of a new Dreadnaught. Since the Resistance managed to destroy our only one.” The amount of disgust he managed to add to his voice at the word  _ Resistance _ was almost impressive. 

Kylo was in no mood to deal with Hux, though to be fair, he never really was. “Why do we need another Dreadnaught?”

Hux was genuinely put off by the response, “The First Order must have an extensive fleet to keep the Galaxy free of traitors and dissention.” 

“We already have the largest fleet. A new Dreadnaught is a waste of resources and effort.” He hoped to put an end to the discussion, but this just seemed to annoy the general even more. 

“Supreme Leader Snoke would not have agreed,” he emphasised the words Supreme Leader, perhaps thinking he could intimidate Kylo into remembering he was not the same. 

Hux of course failed to realise he didn’t want to be the same. “Then it is a shame he is dead.”

“Ah yes, killed by your Scavenger girl.” Hux’s eyebrow raised, “Who, if I’m not mistaken has not only escaped you twice, but managed to kill our former Ruler with you in the room. I am quite surprised that you have not wanted to find her and seek revenge for murdering your master.” Hux wasn’t actually surprised. That was obvious by the contentious look on his face. 

“She and the Resistance will be dealt with.” Kylo’s fists clenched at his side. If it weren’t for the gloves, he would have half moon marks in his palm from his nails. 

“So you say.” Hux started to walk away, pausing when he was shoulder to shoulder with the much taller Kylo, “and have said.” 

Left standing in the now empty hallway, Kylo punched the wall beside him. His hand immediately ached but he reveled in the pain still. It brought him momentary reprieve from whatever it was he felt he was now missing. 

As he arrived at is quarters, troopers still on guard outside his door, he felt a growing knot in his stomach. He had not thought about the night he learned the truth about his grandparentage in many years. It was just a fact he now knew. Recounting that night to Rey had reminded him of so many things and feelings he had repressed, or maybe even more accurately, been replaced. 

The rage he felt, that something or someone told him to feel that night was, in effect, gone. He wanted to chalk it up to bygones, in the past and dead. Killed by his devotion to Snoke and the Dark Side. 

Snoke.

Kylo had killed him too. 

Snoke had always been in his mind since he first was brought to him all those years ago. A sickening thought began to form in his mind. Snoke knew so much about him and the things that had led Kylo to kneel before him the first time. He had always assumed it because Snoke was a powerful Force user, and could know more than anyone just by looking at the mind itself. 

It took everything Kylo had to push the thought away. It was impossible. There was no way that Snoke had known of him before then. There was no way that he could have been in his mind until they were face to face. 

Could there?


	6. Chapter 6

“We have been lucky enough to have found a home, even if a temporary one, here on Parmathe.” Leia addressed the gathered members of the Resistance. “This is just one planet, and if we have any hope of defeating the First Order, we must find allies throughout the galaxy. News of Admiral Holdo’s sacrifice and blow she dealt to the First Order Fleet has been spreading. We have received transmissions from a small handful of people and organizations that will be of some degree of help. Starting this week, we will be sending small teams to meet with them and beginning rebuilding our network. Thank you all for standing with the Resistance., and may the Force be with us.” 

Leia dismissed the assembly and everyone began to disperse. “Rey, can we talk?”

Rey stopped, “Of course.” 

“Come with me to my quarters.” Leia gestured for Rey to follow her. 

She walked beside the woman as they headed down the hallway. “Will I get to be a part of those teams you send out?”

Leia smiled, “Yes, That is part of what I wanted to speak with you about.” They arrived at her door and with a quick access code, Leia let them in to her room. 

Rey stood in the doorway, unsure of where to go. 

“You can sit down you know,” Leia smirked, pointing to the chair across from the one she was about to sit in. 

“Right.” Rey crossed the room and joined her. 

“You have asked me in the past about the Senate.” 

“Uh yes, Sorry, I just wanted to learn more about --”

“-- No need to apologize,” Leia cut her off. “I know you have been trying to find your place in this war. ”

“I belong here, with the Resistance, and restoring the Jedi Order.” Rey said, though it was almost a statement of self affirmation as it was a response to Leia. 

“The Empire took hold of the galaxy over years of coercion and false promises of something better. They won it over slowly and had amassed many genuine allies. The First Order rose from the shadows of the fallen Empire. And it came to power through fear.” Leia spoke with an aristocratic air, as though she was telling this tale to someone far more important than just Rey. 

Rey remained silent, unsure if she was supposed to comment. When Leia did not immediately resume speaking, she offered a small question, “How can we fight them?”

“The idealistic answer is hope, but hope alone won’t win wars. When the First Order destroyed the Hosnian system, they thought they were destroying the entire Republic.”

“But that’s what they did.” Rey was confused as to where Leia was going. The Republic was over and the First Order had control of the major systems. 

Leia shrugged slightly, “Technically yes. But in doing so they left much of the galaxy in turmoil, without leadership or assistance from the Republic. They’ve managed to drain the resources form many of the Outer Rim planets and use those to intimidate the Core planets into submission.” 

“So where are these potential allies coming from?”

“More places than you’d expect. The grip the fear holds is not strong, it doesn’t last. And as more people learn that they are not indestructible, they become less afraid. We have interesting opportunity to use some of the Empire’s own tactics.”

Rey’s eyebrow scrunched together. “I don’t think I understand.” 

“They met in secret with leaders and made promises to give them a better life. The Empire failed because they were false promises. I intend to keep the ones we will make.” Leia was confident, every still the Senator at heart. 

“And how am I supposed to help?”

“Ultimately we are working towards restoring a democracy, with Senators and representatives. Diplomacy is a different game than war. Some of our contacts will be diplomats and I want you to meet with them.”

“Why me?” she asked. 

“Rey, you are strong, passionate, and something of a natural leader. I think your genuine spirit will do a lot to win some of these people over.”

“If you believe that is what I should do, I will do it.” Rey responded, though she herself was not confident in the choice. 

Leia nodded, satisfied with Rey’s response, “Great, we will talk more tomorrow,” as she gestured for Rey to take her leave. 

Rey headed towards the training facility on base. Her conversation with Leia had given her a lot to think about, and she thought best while doing something with her hands, preferably by beating something up. 

Before grabbing her staff, the broken lightsaber caught her attention. It hurt her to look at the split saber. She had spent several nights turning the pieces over and over in her hand, hoping the secret to fixing it would make itself evident. 

Once in the training area, she found a corner with an open space and began warming up. She started with slow sweeps of her staff; to the right, to the left, to the right. Increasing the speed of her movements, she would add flourishes. Sometimes a flick up from the bottom or a spin, shifting dominant placement of her hands. 

Rey’s focus was intense, so much so she failed to notice Kylo’s presence. He had been watching her, studying her movements for some time before she realised he was there. When she finally did, she simply glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes and resumed her movements. 

Wordlessly, Kylo grabbed a staff from his own training area and stood across from her and dropped into a defensive stance. 

Rey advanced, spinning her staff around her shoulder to strike. Kylo blocked the attack with ease, and responded with a jab of his own. She blocked his just as easily. They went back and forth, trading blows. They both got increasingly aggressive, though neither had the intention to harm the other. 

Every encounter between them, Rey felt the bond getting stronger. She noticed that the more physical contact they had in these bonds, the longer the feeling of his presence would last. The first time they touched was when she had seen the visions of them, of their future. Nothing like that had happened again, but she always felt like she learned more about Ben with every touch.

After nearly twenty minutes of sparring, Rey seized an opportunity and knocked Ben’s feet out from under him. She stood over him, the bottom of her staff pointed at his throat. Rey was panting, nearly out of breath but when Ben smirked took the rest of it away. 

She had never seen him even remotely smile before. The crooked grin suited him. The physical attraction she felt for him was undeniable, made worse by the memory of the taste of his lips on hers. Despite everything in her logical mind telling her to ignore it, to push aside those feelings, she just couldn’t do it. After they kissed, it was the closest she had ever felt to him. If she had any chance of saving Ben Solo, shutting him and her feelings out wasn’t the way to do it.

She offered her hand and pulled him up. 

“You sure kicked his ass.” Poe shouted from the other side of the room.    
  
Rey’s stomach dropped and she whipped around to look where his voice had come from, “Who?” She asked, perhaps a little too urgently. 

Poe jumped slightly and furrowed his brow, “I don’t know, what ever imaginary adversary you were fighting.”

Rey glance back to Ben, but he was gone. She forced a smile, “Oh right. Yeah. I guess I did.”

“You should have told me you were sparring. I could have used the practice.”

“Sorry. I didn’t think about it. Just needed to get out some stress.” She replied truthfully. 

Poe chuckled, “I understand. Well, if you’ve got it in you after your hard won battle, I’m not doing anything else. Besides, I might actually have a chance to beat you if you’re already tired!”

“Unlikely.” She teased, this time a genuine smile formed on her face. 

* * *

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren once again was seated at a table surrounded by his generals, some physically there, others holograms from their stations around the galaxy. A First Order base had been attacked by local inhabitants. It was the first time a non Resistance group had stood up to the First Order. 

As Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren had to address the potential threat. He was genuinely frustrated that his bases and troops had been attacked, he did not need to pretend to be interested in that. It came as no surprise to him that Hux’s suggestion for resolution was to blow them up. Even Kylo admitted the thought was tempting. That had been the way to deal with dissent, and would probably still be the easiest method to do so.

The look of shock on several general’s faces when he asked why they attacked was not missed. Kylo was fully prepared to be met with confusion and possibly even anger for asking such a question. 

“I…” General Graven started, unsure how to even begin to answer the question. “They attacked…”

“Speak with their leaders. Find out.” Kylo cut him off, tired of his mumbling. “Perhaps if we can determine the why and address their concerns we can prevent a repeat.” 

“You want to reward insolence with meeting demands?” Hux questioned. 

Kylo glared in his general direction. “Tell me again how many ships we lost in the most recent encounter with the Resistance?”

“We lost six star destroyers and their accompanying support ships. And the Supremacy is still being rebuilt ” Hux grumbled. 

“That was slightly less than half of our fleet of Star Destroyers.” Kylo snapped. “We do not have the firepower to out right destroy our enemies. Perhaps we should try a different strategy.”

“Supreme leader Snoke would…” Hux began to protest.

Kylo’s fingers curled as Hux’s breath caught in his throat. “Supreme Leader Snoke is dead. You will not mention him again. Understood?”

Hux struggled to respond verbally, but shook his head in agreement enough that Kylo was satisfied and released him. Hearing Snoke’s name was beginning to make Kylo sick since he realised that his influence may have been more than he originally assumed. Demanding that Snoke no longer be mentioned both relieved him of this disgust and gave him an opportunity to demonstrate power over his Generals. 

“Report back to me with your findings directly General Graven. Dismissed.” He rose quickly, always desperate to get away from the table of leaders. 

Before Kylo made it back to his quarters, he found himself walking along side Rey. 

“I definitely beat you yesterday.” Rey immediately teased him. 

“Only because I let you win.” He replied, attempting to keep his face still stern. 

Rey snorted, “Likely story.” She quickly grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers with his.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Kylo asked, acutely aware of their contact. 

Rey responded, “I care about you, Ben.

Kylo turned on his heel, pinning Rey against the wall, his hand holding hers down his other arm above her head. “Why?” Their last encounter had been so intimate, and he didn’t even mean sexually. He was still having trouble believing that it was something she wanted, not after she left him on the Supremacy. 

“Because I do. There is more to you. You aren’t just Kylo Ren, I know it.” Her eyes darted back and forth, trying to read his face. 

“You’re wrong.” He attempted to protest, but her free hand had come to his face, brushing a curl from his eyes. He could feel his heart beating in his throat. He wanted nothing more than to lean down to bring his lips to hers again, but he didn’t trust that she would let him. Before he could build up the courage to do it anyway, he thought he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.    
  
Jumping back away from the wall and Rey, he glanced behind him, hoping he was wrong. When he didn’t see anything, he resumed walking towards his quarters. This time when Rey returned to his side, he grabbed her hand. She glanced towards him with a knowing smile. 

He grumbled internally, knowing full well she took his gesture as confirmation that she was right. 

They walked, hand in hand, the rest of the way down the hallway and into his quarters passed the Stormtrooper guards. He turned to face her when they were in his room, but before he could say a word, she had done the thing he so desperately wanted to do.

Rey through her arms around his neck and her lips met his with such zeal, he nearly stumbled backwards, but he quickly regained his balance, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist. She deepened the kiss, parting her lips slightly, her tongue pushing forward, not quite reaching his. Pausing briefly to turn his face slightly, her hands buried themselves in his hair as she pulled ever so slightly.

A growl escaped from his lips as he met hers again. His own hands explored her back. He let one hand run down, caressing the slight inward curve of her lower back. Feeling daring, he slid it down further, expecting her to stop him. When she didn’t, he squeezed slightly, causing her hips to rock slightly forward. 

The motion drove him crazy. He pulled away from her, afraid of what he might do if he did not. Both their breaths were uneven as they stood, forehead to forehead. 

“You only won because you caught me off guard.” He said, attempting to chance subjects, even if he really wanted to continue. 

Rey threw her head back, “If that’s all it takes for you to admit defeat…” She kissed him again, walking him backwards towards the bed in the middle of the room. 

Kylo took a few careful small steps until the back of his legs hit the bed, forcing him to sit. Rey looked down at him with a look in her eyes he had only ever seen in his dreams. She smirked and moved to sit beside him instead. 

He sat there for a moment, waiting to see if she continued. When she did not, he asked her instead, “How did you learn to fight like that?”

“I had to, really.” She started, “But I guess I learned most of it with Calen.”

“Calen?” Kylo questioned. There was an unexpected combative tone to his name when he said it. 

Rey must have noticed because she glanced at him, a hint of annoyance on her face. “He was a friend, when I was on Jakku.”

Kylo could feel her defensiveness coming back. He didn’t like it, “Tell me about him.” He worked very hard to make his voice soft. 

“We met when I was, I don’t know, thirteen maybe? He was a year or two older than me. It’s hard to tell really.” She made a face as though she was trying to remember the details. “I don’t know where he came from, but he was there and the only other person who was close to me in age. We started spending time together, mostly when we were both cleaning the parts we had collected, but eventually we started spending more time together. We talked about all sorts of stuff, the places we’d go when we got off Jakku. I told him about my parents, or what I wanted to know. He would try to get me to give up on them returning.”

  
Rey got quiet for a moment but continued talking. “Anyway, we would play sometimes. We were both too old for it, pretending to be Empire soldiers and Jedi Knights. It started off as just swinging around sticks, but the longer we went, the better we got. It wasn’t long before it just became practice instead of a game.”

“Neither of you had formal training?” Kylo asked. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, they seemed silly. Of course she hadn’t, he knew enough about her childhood to know that it was an impossible notion for her, but not having formal training was such an impossible notion to him, he asked the question before he could stop. 

“No. We continued like that for probably around a year.” Rey leaned back, her legs still hanging off the bed, bent at the knees. “He and I were close, he was the closest thing I’d ever had to family.”

Kylo leaned back to meet her, “What happened to him?”

“I don’t know. I just know that one morning I saw him, his body, being dragged away to the graves to the West.” Rey responded quietly. It was obvious that telling this story still hurt. “I don’t think I’ve ever talked about him to anyone before.”

“I’m sorry,” Kylo responded, sincerity in his voice. He too had lost friends, some at his own hands, a fate he tried so very hard to avoid. 

“Thanks.” Rey turned on her side slightly, Kylo swung his legs the rest of the way on the bed and scooted up to make more room for her to do the same. She rested her head on his chest as he wrapped his arm around her. 

They laid there, on his bed, ever so slightly tangled together. He held her as his fingers traced small circles on her side causing her to twitch slightly when he grazed just the right spot. The reflex made him smile.

He had forgotten what a smile like that was like. It warmed him. And when Rey’s breathing slowed and she let out a small grumble of a snore, he laughed. Actually laughed. 


End file.
